List of song performances

This is a list of songs performed by the characters on Futurama, be they either original performances or simply alternative lyrics to existing songs. For performances of actual songs, among other others, see list of popular song appearances.

B-E-N-D-E-R

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender in The Honking.

Bender: B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender! B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender! Sayin' B-E-N-D-ER-- B-E-N-D-E-R Beeender

Bender is Great

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender in Love and Rocket.

Bender: Bender is great! Be-ender is great! Bender Bender Bender- [Is interrupted]

Blowin' in the Wind

 * Cover of Blowin' in the Wind by Bob Dylan.
 * Performed by Bender in The Series Has Landed.

Blue Tail Fly

 * Original Performance - to the tune of Blue Tail Fly.
 * Performed by Bender in Bendin' in the Wind.

Bender: Fry cracked corn, And I don't care, Leela cracked corn, I still don't care, Bender cracked corn, And he is great! Take that, you stupid corn!

Bureaucrat Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Hermes, LaBarbara, Dr. Zoidberg, Farnsworth, Leela, Bender, Morgan Proctor in How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back.

Hermes: When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town with a foot and a half of water Everyone was alright, but I cried all night It blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they say this boy’s born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations file long applications To get into my tenth birthday party. LaBarbara: But something changed when my man turned pro. Hermes: I was sorting but I wasn't smilin' LaBarbara: He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks Hermes: It's supposed to be about the filin'! People, We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what our mighty Jah made us We treat people like swine and make them stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove you gotta do what you love Even if it's not a good idea Zoidberg! Zoidberg: They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon Farnsworth: They poopooed my electric frankfurter Leela: They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye Bender: I am Bender please insert girder Hermes: Everybody sing Jamaica! All: Jamaica! Hermes: Just the bureaucrats - Jamaica! Bureaucrats: Jamaica! Hermes: The grade nineteens! Morgan Proctor: ... Jamaica. Hermes: Sing me home, When push comes to shove you gotta do what you love Even if it's not a good idea!

Daisy Bell

 * Cover of Daisy Bell by Harry Dacre.
 * Performed by Bender in Love and Rocket.

Danny Boy

 * Cover of Danny Boy by Frederick Weatherly.
 * Performed by Dr. Zoidberg in A Pharaoh to Remember.

Don't Mess with Earth

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Head of the ACLU in A Taste of Freedom.

Head of the ACLU:You can eat my dog, You can eat my truck, But you eat my flag and you're out of luck! She's 'awaven proud around the world, From Dallas to Ft. Worth, Let me say it again... Don't mess with Earth! ... don't-mess-with-Earth. Kill Zoidberg!

Don't Worry, Bee Happy

 * Original Performance to the tune of Don't Worry, Be Happy.
 * Performed by Amy, Bender, Farnsworth, Hermes, Dr. Zoidberg and Bee in The Sting.

Amy: [spoken] In every life, we have some trouble. Bender: [spoken] But when you worry you make it double. Bender/Amy: Don't worry! Bee happy! [Bender imitating bongos] Farnsworth: The landlords say your rent is late. Hermes: You may have to litigate. Farnsworth/Hermes/Bender: Don't worry! [Bender opens his chest and releases a bee, which stings Farnsworth in the head] Bee: Bee... Farnsworth: Happy! ''[Farnsworth swells up and explodes. Zoidberg appears on a stage, his name displayed behind him in neon lights]'' Zoidberg: Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style, ladies vomit when I smile. But does Zoidberg worry? Feh, you wish! [The bee stings him] Bee: Bee... Zoidberg: Happy! ''[He explodes. Hermes skates into view, carrying Amy]'' Hermes: [spoken] Don't worry now, Amy! ''[The bee stings Hermes, who explodes. Amy skates up to the camera]'' Amy: [spoken] Okay, I'm happy! [She is stung and explodes, revealing Bender standing on the table] Bender: [spoken] Take us home, Bender! Don't worry! [The bee stings him] Bee: Bee... Bender: Happy! ''[Bender explodes into a firework display. When the smoke clears, everyone is sitting around as if nothing had happened]'' Leela: [short pause, spoken] Uh, were you just singing? Bender: [spoken] No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Elves' Xmas Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender, Leela, Fry, Neptunians Elves and Robot Santa in A Tale of Two Santas.

Neptunian Elves: We are free and barely sober With so many toys to build The machines are kind of tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Fry: Which is good because we don't intend to pay Neptunian Elves: The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours To make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Leela: Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker If you turn up the controls to super speed Neptunian Elves: It's back to work on Xmas eve Hooray. Leela: And though your cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain Fry: Let my happy smile warm your hearts Neptunian Elf: There's a toy lodged in my brain Neptunian Elves: We are getting awfully tired And we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Bender: Why you selfish little bastards! Do you want the kids to think That Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?! Then shut your yaps and back to work! Neptunian Elves: Now it's very nearly Xmas And we done the best we could Fry: These toy soldiers are poorly painted Leela: And they're made from inferior wood Bender: I should give you all a beating But I really have to fly Robot Santa: If I wasn't stuck here frozen I'd harpoon you in the eye Neptunian Elves: Now it's back into our tenements To drown ourselves in rye Leela: You did the best you could I guess And some of these gorillas are OK Neptunian Elves: HOORAY! (we're adequate!) All: The elves have rescued Xmas day Hooray!

Frog Went A-Courting

 * Original Performance - to the tune of Frog Went A-Courting.
 * Performed by Bender in Bendin' in the Wind.

Bender: Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, Blah, blah, blah, something, Bender is great! Froggy went a-courtin' and Bender is great, uh-huh--

The Fourth Day of Xmas

 * Original Performance - to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas.
 * Performed by Bender, Tinny Tim and two robots in Xmas Story.

Bender: On the fourth day of Xmas I stole from that lady Robot 1: Four family photos Tinny Tim: Three jars of pennies Robot 2: Two former husbands Bender: And a slipper on a shoe-tree.

Funkytown

 * Cover of Funkytown by Lipps Inc.
 * Performed by Morbo in Amazon Women in the Mood.

Grunka Lunka Songs

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Grunka Lunkas in Fry and the Slurm Factory.

Grunka Lunkas: Grunka Lunka dunkety doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka Lunka dunkety dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school is a great way to learn If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you, folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka Lunka Lunka dunkety dutt! [break] Grunka Lunka dunkety dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient! [break] Grunka Lunka dunkety darmedguards [interrupt]

Happy Birthday

 * Original Performance - parody of "Happy Birthday to You"
 * Performed by the cast in I Second that Emotion.

All: What day is today? It's Nibbler's birthday! What a day for a birthday! Let's all have some cake! Fry: [to the tune of the original] And you smell like one, too!

I Want My Hands Back

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Robot Devil, Fry, Turanga Leela, Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes, Zoidberg and Preacherbot in The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings.
 * This song occurs just after the Opera.
 * This particular song was nominated for an Emmy.

Robot Devil: [talking] Stupider? Pah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! ''[He kicks the Holo-Robot Devil actor off the stage. The audience gasps. Fry stops playing and the holo-scene fades, leaving the Holo-Fry actor standing on the stage in his underpants.]'' Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry. Fry: [talking] Look, what do you want? Robot Devil: I want my hands back. [He laughs and columns of flame explode behind him.] Fry: [talking] Never! [singing] A deal's a deal, Even with a dirty dealer. Robot Devil: Very well, Then I'll take what I want from Leela. ''[The spotlight moves from the stage to Leela. Robot Devil extends his arms and pulls her from her seat onto the stage.]'' Leela: [talking] Whoa! Robot Devil: Leela has promised me her hand. Leela: Fry, you do not understand. [The music slows down and the spotlight narrows as Leela walks across the stage.] I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender, The shame, The shame, But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendour, Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender, He gave me mechanical ears, Effective though just a bit garish, In return without shedding a tear, I agreed that I'd give him my hand-- Robot Devil: In marriage! Leela: [talking] What? Robot Devil: You'd give me your hand in marriage. ''[He gets down on one knee. The audience watches. Farnsworth watches through some opera glasses which are just as thick as his normal ones.]'' Hermes: Is this really happening or just being staged? Farnsworth: It can't be real-- Amy: Not if Leela is engaged. Leela: That isn't what I meant, That isn't what I signed. [The Robot Devil takes the contract out of his chest cabinet.] Robot Devil: You should have checked the wording in the fine... [He makes the contract larger.] Print. Leela: [reading] I'll give you my hand... Leela and Robot Devil: In marriage. [In the audience, Bender reads from a dictionary.] Bender: The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention, Now that is "irony". [The Robot Devil pulls Preacherbot out of his seat and onto the stage.] Robot Devil: I will marry her now and confine her to hell, How droll, How droll! Where Styx is a river, And not just a band, Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned, Unless, Fry, you surrender my hands! ''[Fry looks at the hands on his wrists. The spotlight narrows over him.]'' Fry: Destiny has cheated me, By forcing me to decide upon, The woman that I idolise, Or the hands of an automaton, Without these hands I can't complete, The opera that was captivating her, But if I keep them, And she marries him, Then he probably won't want me dating her. ''[The audience applauds and cheers. Nixon sits next to Morbo and his wife.]'' Nixon: [hooting] Arooo! Zapp: [talking] Bray-vo! Enn-core! Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving. Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing! [Leela struggles to get out of the Robot Devil's hold as Fry gazes at his hands.] Preacherbot: By the power vested in me, By the state of New New York-- Fry: [talking] No! [He pushes the Robot Devil away from Leela.] Stop! Take my hands! [singing] You evil, metal dork!

I'll Shoot Her With My Ray Gun

 * Original Performance - to the tune of She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain
 * Performed by Bender in The Series Has Landed.

Bender: Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes. Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes. Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun, oh I'll shoot her with my ray gun, Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, when she comes. I'll be blasting all the humans in the world, I'll be blasting all the humans in the world, I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans in the world, in the world. [spoken] ONE MORE TIME!!!

Leela

 * Cover of Lola by The Kinks.
 * Performed by Zapp Brannigan in Amazon Women in the Mood.
 * In Zapp's performance, the character of the original song (Lola) is exchanged with Leela.

Leela: Orphan of the Stars

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by several opera singers in The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings.

["Scene 1. Wherein Leela Is Found At The Orphanarium"] Holo-Vogel: Who is this one-eyed female baby Moses, With courage in her female baby smile? Holo-Orphans: A saviour from the stars, Or something stranger still. Holo-Leela: Or just a lonely, filthy, starving child. ''[Another Scene: On the stage, a big green Holo-Godzilla holds Holo-Fry in its hands. Holo-Bender watches as Holo-Leela points a laser at it.]'' Holo-Bender: Leela! Leela, Leela save him! Save Fry, save Fry, Godzilla will devour him, As for me, I must be off, To have my doctor check this cough, [He coughs.] Goodbye! [Intermission] [Another Scene: Holo-Fry is seen together in Robot Hell with Holo-Robot Devil.] Holo-Fry: To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art, I need hands of transcendental quickness. Holo-Robot Devil: Well I don't see any danger, In gambling with a stranger, For my head is of a most amazing thickness. [He spins the wheel and falls over.] I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupider than you, I'm stupider than you in every way.
 * To see the song afterwards, see "I Want My Hands Back".

My Broken Friend

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender, Beck in Bendin' in the Wind.

Bender: People say my broken friend is useless. But I say his mind is free. There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be. Beck: Kick it! Bender: Well he could make a good hat rack, Beck: He only has to stand there. Bender: Or a cheap doorstop, Beck: He doesn't need to move. Bender: Or a great big giant thermos with a twist off top, Beck: That would be good for soup. Bender: He could be a storage closet for outdated pants. Beck: I like 'em tight. Bender: My broken friend could do it all, Beck & Bender: Just give him a chance! Bender: That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share. Beck: For real? Bender: My broken friend is closer to me than an ass to a chair. Beck: Mmmm. Bender: That robot's name I never told you... Beck: What's that? Bender: ... you could not foresee. Beck: C'mon, give it up. Bender: I sing it loud and sing it proud, Beck & Bender: His name is you and me! Bender: Don't melt me down into a crowbar, Beck: It suffers alone, Bender: Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs. [He starts moving his arms and legs] Beck: Hey! Bender: Or toss me into a trash can, Beck: Bender, what are you doin'? Bender: Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs. Beck: What are you doin'? Bender: Don't crush me into an anchor, Beck: Yo, what's the dilly-o? Bender: Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing I'm telling you, my broken friend... Put your hands in the air like you just don't care! I'm telling you my broken friend Can do most anything! Yeah!

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 1

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by ? in Less than Hero.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Go team, go team, team team team Whose that newest Justice Team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past Captain Yesterday! Super King has all the powers of a King Plus all the power of Superman, Also he's a robot Ain't it cool? Super King you rule! Cloberella beats you up Cloberella beats you up Who does she beat up? You! Cloberella! Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam... Miracle cream, miracle cream Gives the power to the team Its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New Justice Team!

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 2

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by ? in Less than Hero.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Cloberella And all the rest Here's to you new Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs! The New Justice Team!

Pharaoh's Funeral Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Elton John look alike in A Pharaoh to Remember.

Elton John: Pharaoh my god-king you are cold and deceased, Are you still half insane? [pause] Ph-Ph-Ph-Pharoh and his pets [pause] But the years went by and Pharaoh died, Suzy went and joined him in the afterlife.

Popplers Song

 * Original Performance - to the tune of The Sailor's Hornpipe.
 * Performed by Fry and Bender in The Problem with Popplers.

Fry & Bender:Pop a Poppler in your mouth, When you come to Fishy Joe's, What they're made of is a mystery, Where they come from, no one knows. You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em, You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em, And if you promise not to sue us, You can shove one up your nose.

The Real Slim Shady

 * Cover of The Real Slim Shady by Eminem.
 * Performed by William Shatner in Where No Fan Has Gone Before, though spoken.

Robot Hell

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender, Robot Devil, Beastie Boys, Fry and Leela in Hell is Other Robots.

Robot Devil: Cigars are evil you won't miss 'em we'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella rolled up in smoke like a pandella, Here on Level One of Robot Hell! Robot Devil: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating so is forging phoney I.O.U's Let's let lady luck decide what type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on Level Two! Ooh deep fried robot! Bender: Just tell me why! Robot Devil: Just read this 55 page warrant. Bender: There must be robots worse than I Robot Devil: We checked around, there really aren't. Bender: Then please let me explain my crimes were mearly boyish pranks Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks! Bender: Oh don't blame me blame my up-bringing. Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing. Selling bootleg tapes is wrong, musicians need that income to survive. Beastie Boys: Hey Bender, gonna make some noise With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys Thats what ya, what ya, what ya get on Level Five! Fry: I don't feel well. Leela: It's up to us to rescue him. Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell. Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin. Fry: Maybe he's back at the motel. Leela: Come on Fry now don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back and enjoy the ride. Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide! Robot Devil: Fencing Diamonds, Fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in Robot Hell [Spoken] Of course, that's just for starters.

Santa Claus Is Gunning You down

 * Original Performance - parody of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.
 * Performed by Amy, Farnsworth, Leela, Zoidberg, Hermes, Bender and Fry in Xmas Story.

Amy: He knows when you are sleeping, Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can, Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan. Zoidberg: Oh, Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move, Bender: You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude. Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Single Female Lawyer Tune

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender in When Aliens Attack.
 * This is the theme Bender sang for the hastily-constructed season finale made to appease the Omicronians who had invaded Earth. It is not known if the real show had a sung theme, or if it was anything like this one.

Bender: Single Female Lawyer, Fighting for her client, Wearing sexy miniskirts, And being self-reliant. [break] Single Female Lawyer, Having lots of sex—

Street Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Farnsworth, Leela, Hermes, Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy, Tinny Tim and Nibbler in Bender's Big Score.

Farnsworth: I may as well jump. Those sleazy naked scammers made me look like a chump. Nudar: [spoken] Nah! Farnsworth: They robbed me of my dignity and most of my stuff. Leela: Lars brought me candy. All others: Cram it down and shut the hell up. Hermes: I can't compete with that. He's Barbados Slim, and I'm Jamaican fat. Who would choose a backwards corpse, with lice in his hair? Leela: Lars says I'm dreamy. All others: Who the hell cares? Bender: Oh, won't somebody shoot her please and put her out of our misery? Santa: [spoken] That's my cue. [All others scream] Tinny Tim: [spoken] Oh, my word. Fry: Lars makes me puke. I bet she'd love me too, if I was a bald-headed kook. Leela: [spoken] Hey, guess what, guys. Zoidberg: [spoken] What? Leela: While we were huddled in fear, Lars popped the question. Farnsworth: [spoken] Congratulations! Zoidberg: [spoken] Mazel tov! Amy: [spoken] May stars in heaven bless your love! Bender: I think I'm gonna cry, 'cause it's an extra-happy Xmas this year.

This Toyshop's Goin' to War

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Robot Santa, Kwanzaabot, Chanukah Zombie, Neptunian Elves, Nixon and Leela in Bender's Big Score.

Santa: I brought the elves back from vacation, chained them up and called my holiday friends. Kwanzaabot: Kwanzaabot. Chanukah Zombie: And the Chanukah Zombie. Santa: Three mad wise men bearing murder and frankincense. Neptunian Elves: Damn you, doo doo doo doo. Santa: [simultaneous] Shutup. Now fetch those bunnies by the armful. Neptunian Elves: Says who? doo doo doo doo. Santa: [simultaneous] Says me. Napalm makes them slightly more harmful. No one here goes near that door, this toyshop's goin' to war. Chanukah Zombie: Talmud says be slow to anger, low-down scammers got me seeing red. Got my TIE Fighter out of the hangar. Jump back Jack, 'cause I'm Jewish and I'm undead. Neptunian Elves: Ten-hut, doo doo doo doo. Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] Dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of blasting clay. Neptunian Elves: You're nuts, doo doo doo doo. Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] And when it's dry and ready, for mercy they will pray, I can't wait eight nights or more. This zombie's goin' to war. [Santa begins beat boxing] Kwanzaabot: Ch, Check it out, Kwanzaabot in the neptizzle hizzle, with my inhuman beat-box, busy building missiles. They're guided by these cute dancing fairy figures. Careful little elf, that's proximity-triggered. I'm fighting back for Kwanzaa so the children won't miss it. I'm confused about it's meaning, but I know it when they diss it. So Santa? Santa: Yeah, Kay? Kwanzaabot: Cee Zee? Chanukah Zombie : Hey, hey. Kwanzaabot: Let's slay them pimps. Come on, pimp my sleigh. Chanukah Zombie: Easy with that toy artillery, Torgo's Powder's deadly but unstable. Santa: [spoken] Can they sue for liability? Nixon: [spoken] Certainly not! Santa: Use as much as you are able. Neptunian Elves: This bites, doo doo doo doo Santa: [simultaneous] You signed away your rights when you were hired. Nixon & Leela: Now, let's fight. Neptunian Elves: ...doo doo doo doo. Santa: [simultaneous] Okay, chestnuts roasting I'm gonna open fire. Prepare for gore galore. Santa, Kwanzaabot & Chanukah Zombie: This trinity's goin' to war.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

 * Cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler.
 * Performed by Kif Kroker in Amazon Women in the Mood.

TV Party Tonight

 * Original Performance - to the tune of TV Party Tonight by Black Flag.
 * Performed by Bender, Farnsworth, Fry, Leela, Zoidberg, Hermes, Cubert, Dwight and Amy Wong in Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television.

Bender: TV party tonight! Farnsworth: Eh Wha? Bender: TV party tonight! Farnsworth: Oh! Fry: We've got nothing better to do Leela: Than watch TV and have a couple of brews Zoidberg: Don't want to talk about anything else Fry: We don't wanna know! Farnsworth: We're dedicated, yes Hermes: To our favorite shows! Cubert: All My Circuits! Dwight: Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Amy: Scary Door! Leela: Blernesday Night Blernsball! Bender: Futurama!

Wagon Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Bender in Where the Buggalo Roam.

Bender: We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers, Somebody wants to pick a fight with us, He'd better bite my ass.

Whaler Song

 * Original Performance
 * Performed by Whalers on the Moon in The Series Has Landed.

Whalers: We're whalers on the moon, We carry a harpoon, For they ain't no whales So we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune.