Three Hundred Big Boys

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Title Caption: VOTED "BEST"

First Aired: June 15, 2003

Act I: I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick Fun Bill! Knock yourselves out!
Earth forces have won a famous victory over the spider people of Tarantulon 6 and seized plenty of spoils: one trillion dollars in silk and treasure. Richard Nixon's head decides to refund the surplus to the taxpayers, meaning that every citizen of Earth gets three hundred dollars. The crew have already aquired their shiny new $300 bills and now wonder what to do with them. Leela decides to swim with a whale, while Scruffy gets a $300 haircut as his current one has lost its pizzazz. Zoidberg wants to live like a rich man, while Fry decides to blow it all on coffee - a hundred cups of coffee. Zapp Brannigan calls to invite the crew to a special reception and display of the National Silk Surplus. All of New New York is celebrating the newly aquired riches, while Kif and Amy enjoy a ride on a paddle plane Kif rented with his tax rebate. Amy has spent her money on a talking tattoo on her upper right arm. Meanwhile, Professor Farnsworth visits Gene Works, SKG to aquire one pound of stem cells to fight his ageing process, but the effects will be temporary. At the same time, Bender visits Hacking Jack's Fine Smokables in search of the ultimate smoke and feasts his eyes on the Le Grand Cigar. Unfortunately it costs $10.000, and Bender gets a few burglar's tools for $300 instead for later use. Hermes has bought his son Dwight a set of Bamboo Boogie Boots, a kind of powered stilts, which Dwight is not too happy with. Hermes demonstrates them and loses controll, and Dwight tries to save his father but is stuck up the stilts with him, and the two of them roam the city completely out of control. The Professor leaves GeneWorks looking somewhat younger and instantly falls for a young lady dressed in leather, while Zoidberg is looking into diamonds but can't understand what people like in shiny pebbles. Leela has reached the aquarium and is booking a swim with Mushu, the pygmy sperm whale, while Fry is on his second cup of coffee (whale size) at Starfishbucks Coffee . Kif presents Amy with a special gift, a watch that has two sets of hands to show the time whereever Kif and Amy are. As she leans to greet Fry and Leela she sees passing underneath, the paddle plane swerves out of control and the watch falls into the pool of Mushu, who swallows it.

Act II: Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!
Kif is down in the dumps, but Leela and Scruffy have an idea to recover the watch. Fry, Leela, Kif and Amy visit Elzar's Fine Cuisine (Fry being at cup #31), and Leela sneaks into the kitchen and pulls the plug of Elzar's fresh fish freezer. At the same time, the Professor and his newly aquired love share a table at the same restaurant (she believes he's 25), and Zoidberg is not happy with Paté de Foie Gras and caviar and refuses to pay. Meanwhile, Bender is breaking into Hacking Jack's to steal the Grand Cigar, but is spotted by a surveilance camera and Smitty and URL take up the hunt. The next morning, Elzar sisposes of the now rotten fish into the nearest dumpster, where it is eagerly awaited by Leela, Amy and Kif. Fry is now hanging out at Guadalajara Brown Drip Gourmet Coffee with Bender (now at cup #52) and showing strong signs of caffeine intoxication. Leela is having her meeting with Mushu and has stuffed her swimsuit full of rotten fish to make Mushu first eat it and then barf, freeing Amy's watch. Everything goes as planned, but as Mushu turns out to be rather hungry, Leela ends up minus a swimsuit and has to aquire a makeshift dress made from a warning banner. Zoidberg is trying to play golf like rich people do, but finds it unsatisfactory, partly because the golf clubs can't resist his claws and the golf balls are tasteless. Leela's plan works out and Mushu barfs bigtime, releasing both the watch and Leela's swimsuit. Kif dives into the pool and gets covered all in yuk, but retrieves the watch. The Whale Biologist sends Smitty and Url to arrest him because he has got aquarium property.

Act III: The loot! The loot!! The loot is on fire!!!
The reception at the presentation of the National Silk Surplus is going quite well, all of the high society is there, including Richard Nixon's head, Zapp Brannigan, Mom and her sons, Mayor Poopenmeyer and a lot of other celibrities and important persons. Zoidberg tries to auqire one of the tapistries, but finds it overpriced at $1.000.000.000. He realizes that even with $300 he is still desperately poor and that money brought him no happiness. Fry has arrived at cup #99 and is shaking uncontrollably, and Bender deems the time has come for the lighting of the Grand Cigar. Amy is sad because Kif is in jail, and Scruffy is trying to comfort her. Meanwhile, in Commander Riker's Island Jail, Kif is told that he is not imprisoned for taking the watch but for being covered in ambergris, a precious substance found in the digestive tract of the sperm whale and used to make perfume. As he is covered in the stuff, Kif sheds his skin and rushes to join the reception. He even brings Amy a flagon full of ambergris, which she embraces at once. The Professor's stem cells lose their youthesizing power, and he reverts to an old man. He finds that his love has used her tax rebate to enhance her looks a bit too, as she is "fat like the queen of sea cows" (Farnsworths words). Anyway, the two of them continue smooching, as they now now the other's true looks. Hermes and Dwight, still on the Bamboo Boogie Boots, crash the reception, and in the process the Grand Cigar sets fire to the precious silks. Everyone is in mortal danger, but Fry doesn't notice as all he can think about is coffee - cup #100 has been reached, and through the caffeine shock he glides into a strange condition where he glows in a golden light, time seems to have slowed down a great deal and he is able to move extremely fast. He manages to save everyone at the reception and extinguish the fire, but no one notices this as they have only seen a kind of mysterious orange blur. Outside, Zoidberg has joined a few hobos and found out how money could make him happy: by buying a meal for his new friends. Everyone joins them, and Hermes gives the penny left from the purchase of the Boogie Boots to Dwight, who decides to invest it in five shares of Amazon.com. Richard Nixon's head is angry because the surplus has burned away, but everyone else is happy because the tax rebate supplied them with a few mildly-interesting stories at least. At the very end, Bender is finally seized by Url and Smitty and beaten up.

Trivia

 * The idea for this episode came from George W. Bush announcing that he would give all Americans a $300 tax refund. However, one week later the terrorist attacks of 9/11 happened. The story was forgotten by most, except the Futurama staff who wrote this episode.
 * As Fry drinks more and more coffee the effects of the caffeine make him more and more agitated until the 100th, when he relaxes into a calm Zen-like state, albeit moving at several hundred times normal speed. There are several possible science-fiction inspirations for this scene:
 * Frank Herbert's novel Dune, where Paul-Muad'Dib consumes ever greater quantities of Spice until he finally takes the water of life and time and space comes together. In the TV series of the same name we even see the same glowing light effects and distortions of time and space.
 * The classic sci-fi story The New Accelerator by H.G.Wells, the accelerator being a formula allowing the user to stretch minutes into hours of personal time perception.
 * The original-series Star Trek episode Wink of an Eye.
 * The 2002 film Clockstoppers, which in turn was based on The Girl, The Gold Watch and Everything.
 * The hummingbird he sees is particularly reminscent to a time-slowing scene in Star Trek: Insurrection.
 * Nixon's line "The Loot, the loot, the loot is on fire!" was a parody of the 1985 dance hit "The Roof is on Fire" by Rock Master Scott